the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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