She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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