Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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