As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
