Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
