the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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