the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
