she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
