She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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