how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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