I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
How's work?
Spinning.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
