Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
