I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Please don't give away my fajitas
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