I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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