I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
