This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
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