I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
