We named our party play list daddy issues
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
