my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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