if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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