I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
