Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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