So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
