I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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