i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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