This house was built for laser tag.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
