Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
