don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
