everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
