hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
