Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
