It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
