she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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