my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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