so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
