U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize