I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
