May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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