Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize