no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
