The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
