Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
