I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
