nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize