I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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