No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
