I feel like abortions should bother me more
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
