is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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