Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
