I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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