did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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