i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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