Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Couch. On fire.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
