do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
