peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
