he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
