Are we in a gay sports bar?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
