Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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