Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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