i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i dont even know how to be here
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
