my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
