I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
His hands were made for my vagina.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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