Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
