There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize