4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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