I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
