What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
