morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
