Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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