i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
