No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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