Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
