I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
