There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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