she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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